Finding Paradise
by Revolutionaire
Summary: Finding paradise. That's what Kaname's been trying to do, struggling to balance his marriage to Yuki with his undeniable love for Zero. Pushing to uncover the security he once had, his world is shattered into unrecognizable pieces. Only one thing is for certain now. Either this journey will be his ultimate demise, or the answer to everything.
1. Chapter 1 - Catch 22

Finding Paradise

Chapter 1 – Catch 22

_**IT**__was what Kaname liked to call a velvet night. The night sky was draped in purple-black satin, covering all the stars with an indulgent shade of plum that perfectly matched Yuuki's dress. She was beautiful, he mused, grasping her hand and, holding her close to him. Yuuki's hair was still slightly curled from the party and her wavy tresses occasionally brushed against Kaname's arm, giving him shivers. She was striking in the pale light, the moonlight illuminating her feminine features with a soft glow. The tiara in her hair sparkled in her dark locks, seeming to capture all the light in the world and shine it in his eyes. Soft music began to play from somewhere far off, a gentle song that seemed to lull the night to sleep. Kaname placed a hand on Yuuki's waist, turning her so she faced him._

_"Would you like to dance, my dear?" he murmured, his gaze catching hers._

_"Here?" she asked. "In the park? People will think we're crazy! You do know they can't hear the music, Kaname."_

_"Shhh…" he said, bending to kiss her tenderly. It was so innocent, so kind. Kaname just wanted to just live in this moment forever. And he knew he had the chance to._

_"Yuuki?" he whispered. "Do you remember sitting on the front porch, and you told me about how you when you were young, you and the headmaster used to look up at the sky? Do you remember what he told you? He told you that the only man good enough for you was the one that would steal all the stars in the sky." He placed a hand on her wrist and descended onto one knee, taking out the box from his pocket. "I've only managed to catch a few…" he smiled, opening the box, "but if you promise to marry me, my dear Yuuki, not only will I steal the stars for you, but I will steal the sky and the earth and everything in between. What do you say?"_

_"Yes."_

Kaname let out a long sigh. He hated that memory. It always left him with self-doubting questions. Too many for his liking. A gentle tapping on the door started and Kaname opened his eyes.

"Come in." he said, yawning, his head resting on his arms, his eyes in that glassy dream state. The golden door knob twisted and the white door opened silently. It was that annoying blond boy, the idiot.

"I think you requested these." The boy said shyly, holding out a cluster of hydrangeas.

Kaname took them gently from the boy's hands, all the fatigue leaving his body. He inspected them carefully, running his fingers over the flowers. They were perfect in every sense. Each petal was a different shade of that unique hydrangea blue, some reminded him of the sea, some of the sky, and some colors were just so indescribably beautiful it would have taken him years to describe them with mere words. And the petals themselves were something to be marveled at. They were so smooth they almost felt fake; made with silk instead of the divine substance that they derived from. Oh, and the aroma. Heavenly, in sum. It was a mixture of gold sunlight and ambrosia – a perfume fit for the gods. This was nirvana in flower form.

"Kuran-sama?" the boy asked. "Do you like them?"

"They'll do just fine." he said. Kaname looked down at the boy in front of him. His sapphire eyes glanced up at Kaname's ever so quickly, gazes meeting for half a second, the memory of burgundy eyes burned into the boy's mind forever.

"The ceremony's starting in about an hour or so."

"Thank you." Kaname said.

Kaname walked over to the gilded mirror in the corner of his dressing room, checking his appearance for flaws. He wanted to make sure he looked absolutely perfect on camera. It was estimated that nearly all of the vampire population would be watching the televised wedding today. Later they would have a private, traditional Japanese wedding for the Council's need to fulfill proper tradition, but that didn't matter. This ceremony might just have been the one of the most important things Kaname had ever done.

In any other situation he would have chided this sort of thinking. Looking at this from his regular point of view he didn't know why it should matter so much to him. He had been in front of enough cameras to know what to do when he was being filmed. In fact, he really didn't have to do much at all. Although the service would be well over three hours long, most of it was just others reading passages and only required him to answer a few questions with 'I do'. He was just so worried he wouldn't be able to do that simple task.

'We all know why you're worried.' Love started, cutting into his thoughts again. 'You can't say 'I do' to Yuuki when all you're thinking about is Zero. You should just call it off.'

'That would be stupid, now wouldn't it?' Logic scoffed. 'What would the Council think? Never mind what they would think, what would they do? They'd have an hour of reruns of a bride walking up to an altar with no groom. Everybody talks Kaname. Soon enough, everyone will know you as the Kuran pureblood that didn't even show up at his own wedding. You can't risk your name for someone who doesn't even love you.'

Kaname let out a frustrated breath and turned his attention back to the mirror, smiling for the imaginary cameras, walking through the imaginary church. Running a hand through his hair, he checked his watch…again. Another 20 minutes. All this waiting wasn't good for him. The sooner he got married, the less time he had to worry. He moved from the mirror, not liking the worried expression he saw. It was horrible, being caged up like this, like some sort of animal being groomed before the show. This room had probably seen more people in the last few hours than it had seen in 50 years. First the people from wardrobe, then the grotesquely decorated makeup artists, the priest, and a slew of other people not interesting enough for Kaname to remember. But then they left him. And now he was alone, terribly missing the pink haired man that talked about golf. He shifted on the seat, looking around for something to focus on. God, he could use a drink. He got up and reached for the crystal decanter of Novae, pouring out the red liquid into one of the glasses next to the mini-bar. He took a large gulp of the wine and immediately wished he hadn't. It tasted horribly…wrong. He had to take it out of his mouth. Running to the door, he swung open the door to face Aidou.

"Kaname!" Aidou beamed.

"Are they ready for me?" Kaname said, struggling to eradicate the taste in his mouth.

"Not yet." He said. "But soon." He looked down at his wrist. "You still have about an hour. So you should have enough time to talk to Nowaki-san."

"Are you kidding me?" Kaname didn't look amused. "There's always something with him. Always something wrong. I told him, I told him I couldn't make him a share-holder until after evaluations for this year. But did he listen? No." He paused for a moment and looked gently down at Aidou's face. "I'm sorry, Aidou, I'm just worked up about this whole thing." Aidou touched Kaname's arm gently.

"You're going to be fine, Kaname. There's nothing to worry about."

"I can't help thinking something's going to wrong…"

"Like I said, Kaname, nothing's going to go wrong. You're going to marry Yuuki and you're going to kill it, no doubt about it."

"If you say so." His lips hinted at a smile as he walked away, and Aidou was pleased.

After their departure from the Academy, Aidou was one of the only vampires who stayed friends with Kaname. It was nice having someone to talk to, someone that wasn't going to stab you in the back, someone who wasn't looking to one up you every step of the way. It wasn't perfect, but it was comforting. They had long talks, and the occasional dinner or outing when the time was found. And every so often Kaname got the notion that Aidou still had some of that school-boy obsession still lingering in his psyche. Kaname tested him, suggesting here, hinting there. Sometimes he was so subtle that it was almost impossible to see, and sometimes he was so forward it was hard to miss. He hated himself for being so blunt, but he definitely couldn't deny it didn't have fun repercussions. Oh, the things he did. It was a strange game they played, ending in either confusion or absolution. And strangely, Kaname liked it.

He wandered around the hotel for a while, trying to kill time before his confrontation with Nowaki. It was nice, just being able to roam for a while. He meandered onto the terra-cotta piazza, sitting down in one of the twisty metal chairs, and let his thoughts wander.

**IT** had been six years since Kaname Kuran had seen Zero Kiryuu. Six years and he still remembered the hunter's last words.

'It was one fuck, Kuran.' Zero said. 'It meant nothing. I was drunk on blood and you damn well know it.' How many times had he heard that? 'It meant nothing.' Was he really not _anything_ to the hunter? Nothing at all? How he would have _killed_ for the hunter to think of him as an equal. He loved Zero so much, his dazzling amethyst eyes, his cute little nose which he longed to kiss, and those soft lips. Those lips he longed for every day, but had only tasted of once.

He was sure, that if he really wanted to just have Zero again he could; it would take heavy seduction and blood, but it was possible. But the thing was… he didn't want that. No.

He didn't want just Zero; he wanted life with Zero. He wanted to come home to his hunter cooking dinner, he wanted to stand behind him and wrap his arms around his lover and then kiss him and laugh with him and sit down with him and eat and nibble his ear. And then maybe while they were putting the dishes away he would wrap his arms around him suddenly and kiss him and make love to him. He wanted so much. Maybe even too much.

But didn't he already have what he wanted? He was going to be married to Yuuki today, his princess, and soon, his life. Their years together would have had no worries, they'd have many a lavish roof over their head, a happy eternity together, and everything they could ever want. She was his treasure, his doll. But sometimes… What was he talking about? He cherished and loved her, and they had so many memories together and yet…there was something missing. Yuuki was so important to him, but somehow she wasn't enough. He wanted Zero too. He would give her all the adoration he had, raise their children together. He would do anything for her, but he wasn't sure he would be able to give her all the happiness she deserved until his ache for Zero was contented. He would give her care and gentle smiles – but he wouldn't be able to promise her his world. Not with it uncompleted.

Which, he reminded himself; he would have to do in a few hours. Soon he would be pledging his everlasting devotion to Yuuki; he'd be assuring her that he'd be with her through the bad times and the good - 'thick and thin'. He would, before long, be taking the marital oath to honor and love her more than anyone else. And that included Zero. She ought to have so much more. She should be able to have a man who wanted her and only her. He wasn't that man.

Kaname had wanted to tell Yuuki, but that would mean breaking it off with her, and he knew that would mean breaking her little heart. And he knew he wouldn't able to stand doing that. She was too kind, too innocent for him to devastate her that way, to tell her it was lies – even if a bit of it was. So instead of shattering her, he had stayed, learned to love her as he learned her. Beginning to understand fully what Zero meant when he talked about her gentle hands and smile.

It wasn't fair. He could never have both of them, and he knew that. He kept telling himself it didn't matter; that he was just being illogical. He would always have Yuuki's loyalty, her affection and she was an assurance that the Kuran line would continue on. And that was what he desired from her. But he couldn't admit that it was all he wanted. There would still be that void that only his silver haired hunter could fill. He knew he wanted them both, and he was a selfish bastard for doing so. And here, he would have to go against his nature of egotistical thinking. But he knew that whatever he way he found a way to love both people, he knew that his love would and could never be equal – there would always be a first and second. He would love them both, but somehow he knew the scales would always be tipped towards the level D. But that was wishful thinking. The Council would never approve of loving what they considered a slave as much as he wanted to. Leaving Yuuki at the altar for a 'dirty ex-human' would most definitely put himself and his influence in this world in jeopardy. And that, he could not do.

It was the ultimate Catch 22. To have the Council tolerate his relationship with Zero he would have to have that power over them, but if he started a relationship with Zero, that control would be lost. He would have to choose between supremacy and his idiotic love. He wanted that political strength, that perfected control he had. But he also wanted that silver-haired beauty to be called his. Love and Logic were having fun with this one.

'Love, like the hunter, will eventually fall to dust and fly away. Your reign will never slip away.' Logic argued.

'But what is power unless you have happiness? It is a life of endless work with no one to come home to.' Love reasoned.

Kaname took a deep breath and tried to gather his composure again. Maybe extended periods of time alone weren't helpful. Definitely not. He now had twenty minutes to work out a compromise with a hot-headed noble. This was going to be one fun ride.

It took Kaname a while longer to get to Nowaki's room than he expected. He shouldn't keep wondering about what could happen, he reminded himself. Just think about the present. He knocked on the door and waited calmly by the door, breathing deeply, just catching a whiff of something beautiful. It smelled familiar, the loud scent of knock-off Lagerfeld overpowering the quieter natural scents of clove and pine. He knew that so well…it was like déjà vu. Like a long forgotten memory.

Like Zero.

_This story was written by me, LightFromTheMoon, but Kaname, Zero, Aidou, and Yuuki belong to Matsuri Hino_

_A gracious thanks to Ebony Scales for beta-ing this piece._


	2. Chapter 2 - The Truth Never Lies

Finding Paradise

Chapter 2 – The Truth Never Lies

**ZERO **took out his lighter and finally managed to click the flame onto his cigarette. He would have been perfectly happy staying in the meth lab, correction, motel across the street. Sure, there were cigarette burns in the sheets, and, well there weren't pillows…so… He hadn't minded. They'd travelled to a very un-Kaname-like place that night. It had all started after a particular pureblood had insisted that they take a walk, for some reason or another. Zero had known it was a lie from the moment it had come out his lips. He knew it was some sort of sneaky little move to get him in bed. He hadn't cared.

Ever since the first time Kaname had shared his blood, there'd been this sort of…hesitant tension. They both knew it was there, both wanted to break it, both too afraid to. Every time Kaname bared his neck, there was always that moment when Zero lifted his head and the two pairs of eyes met, never for more than a few instants; but there, smack dab in the middle of those seconds was the tension.

It was that split second where neither knew what to do. Zero was aching to kiss the man, throw him down on the ground and give him one. And then...it happened. One summer's night six years ago.

_The night air was fragrant as the two boys strolled across the lawn. Humidity had drawn the perfumes of the flowers out of the petals and into the air. It was nights like these that made Zero never want to leave the academy. One more night here and he would be gone. Everything would be gone. Yuuki was going off to university somewhere, Kaname was still trying to be king of the universe, the chairman...well, nothing was going to change about him. But for the first time in seven years, Zero's world was going to be shattered. Maybe not as devastating or blood-stained as the first time, but in its own sense, just as horrible. The only difference here was the death rate. Yet another time, Zero was going to lose his loves to the world. First it had been his parents and Ichiru, now it was Yuuki and Kaname. _

_Zero never quite knew when to tell Kaname about his feelings. Homosexuality _or_ infidelity, for that matter, wasn't really frowned upon in the pureblood community, but Kaname never really seemed like that. Most vampires had a harem of male and female 'companions' wherever they went. Strangely enough, Kaname just kept his romantic relations to Yuuki, and even those were chaste in the truest sense. _

_There'd been a few times, Zero had noticed, where Kaname had let his guard slip. Those moments when he was feeding; Kaname would be high on endorphins, Zero on bloodlust, and they'd kissed. Hot, wet, _hungry _kisses that always left both of them wanting more. But they knew, that to violate each other in such a way would be violating Yuuki. And that could not be done. So whenever those rare occasions happened upon, they shoved the memories away; only to be remembered when alone, waiting for the day when they could finally make love without guilt. That day never seemed more far away than today. _

_"Zero?" Kaname asked._

_"What?" Zero asked, quite calmly. _

_Kaname frowned internally. For Zero to be this compliant, this calm was very, very strange. The fact that they were _walking together _was even stranger. Usually by now, the regular curses would be spewing from the hunter's mouth...Zero had to have _something _on his mind to be this way._

_"Do you need to...?" Kaname asked. Zero turned to look at him with sad eyes. _

_"Yeah..." he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Umm...I think it would be better if we went to yours." _

_Kaname was surprised at the response. For someone who had been drinking pureblood blood for over a year now, he seemed awfully needy. Just last week he had had some, at first sucking Kaname's neck, and then his tongue. Honestly, the only reason he had asked was because he wanted Zero. Maybe Zero wanted him, in some twisted, crazy way. Or he just wanted blood. Either way, Kaname was getting touched tonight. _

_"Right." Kaname said, awkwardly turning to walk towards his dorm. Zero followed, excitingly close to Kaname. He didn't know if it has the heat, or the hormones, or both that was making the hunter act like this. Sure, sometimes he was sensual, physical at the best. But audacious moves like this were unheard of. They'd kissed, in the midst of hallucinations and highs, but it was never more than that. For Zero to show some interest in him other than when he was drink was...interesting... Very interesting indeed. _

_"It's...so weird school's ending. You know, it's been sort our whole lives..."_

_"That's what I was just thinking..." _

_They arrived a few minutes later to the darkness of Kaname's room, which was refrigerator cold; thanks to the heavy-duty sunlight and heat blocking shades on the windows. _

_"It's nice in here." Zero said._

_"Yeah..." Kaname removed his black shirt, which was now bedewed with sweat, and placed it, folded on the nearest chair. It was strange, seeing the pureblood like this. So compliant and willing...it almost made Zero feel as if the vampire was falling in love with him. _

_"Here we go." Zero said, laughing a little. _

_He sauntered over to Kaname, placing his rough hands on the small of his back. Kaname stifled a moan, feeling as Zero sunk his fangs ever deeper into the crevice of his neck. Zero had this way of taking blood – it was...sensual, beautiful. Zero shifted his arms a bit, angling to press his body into the purebloods. He was gorgeous like this; hair splayed across his forehead, huge garnet eyes looking down at him through thick lashes, and those lips. He always bit them when he was going to moan. It always failed – the noises had some way of escaping through those luscious pink lips. _

_Zero began laving his neck with wide, open mouthed kisses, making sure he ran his tongue over Kaname's bite spot. Kaname pulled him closer, rubbing their now hardened lengths up against each other. At once, Kaname's lips were pulled onto the hunters, tongues and fingers tangling at the same time. Zero hooked his fingers in the belt loops of Kaname's pants in an effort to pull them down, his hands giving up in their conquest and finding a new one._

_"You...wanna...have a quick one...here?" Zero breathed, cupping Kaname's firm ass. _

_"Can't..." Kaname said. "They're coming... to clean this...lot out..." His words knotted together as Zero moved his hands over to his bulging hardness. _

_"How much time do we have? I could just suck you off before they come." Zero's voice was low and husky._

_"Not enough. Somewhere else."_

_"Where?"_

_"Super..." Kaname gasped as Zero gave a squeeze to the hardness in his pants. "Eight... Down the street."_

_"Let's go then." Zero smirked, as Kaname dove in for another kiss. _

_This night was far from over. _

Zero could never decide what he felt about that night. Kaname had blown his mind in one of the most disgusting places on earth. But that was Kaname for you. He could either make or break your day. That day had been one of those 'make it' days. It was the last one. After that, Kaname had treated him like...trash. 'For his safety' his ass. And after all those years of being ignored and hurt, here he was, at the bastards wedding.

The Association had given him the weekend off to go and fly to Italy, along with a pile of 'BroadeningHorizons' activities. Yes, they actually had to pay some group to make up a new term for not being a complete pervert/idiot at work. It was all shit, and everyone knew it. Zero had read one of their pamphlets once. If he was going to ask a girl out from the office, he was supposed to say 'Would you like to join me to purchase a coffee, or some other non-stimulating beverage?' What sort of twat said that? Not him. He just asked out the women outside of work. He'd had a work relationship with a woman once, Tanya, an intern from America. It was a complete, utter mess. Never doing that again.

And now, now he was here. At this bastard's wedding. He didn't exactly know why, he thought that maybe he was in love, or in lust. He was sitting here hoping and wishing and waiting...for something that he knew would never come.

Until someone knocked.

_Kaname and Zero are not my characters - they belong to Hino Matsuri. _

___Sorry for the big time gap - this chapter gave me a lot of trouble. I promise I will update sooner in future. _

_A big, big thanks to EbonyScales for beta-ing this chapter and helping me get through my writers block with her encouraging words!  
_


	3. Chapter 3 - Xlazine

Finding Paradise

Chapter 3 – Xlazine

**KANAME **knocked nervously, trying to mask his uneasy aura. He wasn't sure _what_ he should be doing right now. This would be so much easier if he hadn't _screwed up_ that one time. Oh, God. He really needed to just shut up his mind sometimes. The Council was getting to him, and he could feel it. After all, he was part of the Council, born, raised, and taught by it. It almost felt as if he had grown up to be the Council and learned to be Kaname Kuran, instead of being Kaname Kuran and learning the Council. But who was Kaname Kuran without the Council? No one. A lonely pure-blooded orphan. That was about it. Without his precious group, he couldn't even claim to have power. And that was why he needed to keep them at ease. If anyone ever leaked about that chance encounter with Zero...he would be dead...quite literally.

The whole thing was a mistake. Aidou was a mistake, the trip to the Council was a mistake, _he _was a mistake. He should have just stayed home with Yuuki and planned the wedding. But life was life and that was the way things happened. C'est la vie.

_Kaname looked down at his passport, watching the planes lift off and land with worry. He'd never liked planes, and he certainly didn't like them now._

_"All ready to go?" Aidou asked, fixing his shirt._

_"Yeah..."_

_"Good." He said. There was a hesitant sigh from Kaname. _

_"I really don't know why you insist on coming, Aidou. All it's going to be is a long, probably unsuccessful meeting with the Council about Zero."_

_"I'm sure you'll be able to convince them."_

_"Well thank you for your support. I don't want to lose to that bastard again. He's putting out spies again...I'm sure that man in Chez Marie yesterday was one of them..."_

_Aidou took Kaname's hand in his and squeezed it gently and gave him a smile. He had been travelling with the pureblood for the past six years; and he'd had slowly become Kaname's 'right-hand man'. It had all started with the elections. Every six years, the vampire Council elected a new vice president and president. And of course, Kaname stepped right up to the plate, being one of the most eligible purebloods in the world. And he was fighting against a noble, for God's sakes! Nowaki was no match for him. Aidou was absolutely sure he was going to win; his polls went up, people liked him, and he was the epitome of pureblood. There was only one thing wrong with Kaname – Zero. When word of his 'level E lover' got out, Kaname's campaign flatlined._

_ 'Is it true you gave your blood to a Level E, Mr. Kuran-sama?'_

_'Who was the hunter that you slept with at the Academy?'_

_'Are you aware that fornication with a hunter is treason?'_

_Aidou had tried to warn Kaname about the dangers of being associated with Zero, but he wouldn't listen. _

_'All purebloods have a pet or two.' He had insisted. And it was true. Almost every high-ranking vampire had some sort of level D as their subordinate; for pleasure or simply for blood. But Zero was different. He was a young hunter slowly falling to level E. And what fun the press had with that. Kaname was repeatedly blamed for statutory rape, treason, and illegal blood-sharing. Nowaki took those twisted those facts and wrung them out until there wasn't even any truth in them. And there was nothing Kaname could do, no matter how powerful he was. The fact that he had shared blood with a hunter, nonetheless a level E, was amazingly...bad. Oh, there were some sins in Nowaki's book, too, but nothing as guilty as fornicating with a level 'end' vampire. And that's what had cost Kaname the election. But now he was going to try again. Almost six years later, it was election time again, and this year, Kaname wasn't making any stupid mistakes. He'd played all the cards right, in fact. He'd hosted banquets, helped pass laws, eradicated the bad and brought in the good. And he was getting married next month, with no contact from the 'level end' vampire in six years. _

_If Kaname was happy, Aidou was happy._

_"You see what I mean..." Kaname trailed off, interrupting Aidou's thoughts. _

_"What was it you were saying, Kaname?" _

_"If you had listened...I was talking about the spies here. It's starting again."_

_"Oh, you're so paranoid, Kaname. There's nothing to worry about. Unless..." Aidou lowered his voice, "they found our little secret." He moved his hand up to Kaname's thigh and pressed his fingers in. _

_"Aidou, not here..." _

_"I've been waiting for so long, for you..." Aidou lifted his head up to kiss Kaname._

_"Aidou!" he said, batting the other man away. _

_"Are you sure, you don't...need my help with anything?" he chuckled, pointing to the pureblood's erection. Kaname's carnal instincts kicked in and he bent down to kiss Aidou shamelessly. _

_"I...think...I...ugh..." _

_"Yes?" Aidou asked._

_"Need you...to...help me..." Aidou was kissing him hungrily, greedily; snaking his tongue inside his mouth and massaging his gums. _

_"Where?"_

_"In the bathroom..." Kaname finally panted._

_"Let's go then." Aidou grasped the pureblood's sweaty hand in his and pulled them toward the bathroom. They were on each other before they even got into a stall. _

_"Lock the door." Kaname panted, undoing his zipper. _

_"Already done." Aidou smiled._

**_"AH, AH_**_...fuck, Aidou, oh God." Kaname panted, pulling the blond hair as the noble took him in his mouth. "Oh, God, I'm almost there. Ah, fuck! Shit, Aidou." Kaname sighed with relief as he came in the noble's hot, wet mouth. He pressed his body back up against the wall, trying to keep himself upright. _

_"Thatwas good." Kaname panted, running his fingers through Aidou's hair. The noble was still on his knees and breathing heavily._

_"I just wish we had more time...for a more...penetrative investigation."_

_"Oh, shut up." Kaname swatted away Aidou's smirk playfully. "You just don't want to have to do any of the work." _

_"You are so unfai-" Aidou was cut off by a loud, intrusive banging on the door. Obviously someone was upset with the noble's handiwork on the lock. _

_"Who the fuck do you think you are? Stop dicking around and open the damn door." an angry man said._

_"Hold on." Kaname said, unlocking the door. _

_Oh shit. It was Zero._

_"Come on, let's go." He motioned to Aidou._

_"What the fuck were you two doing in there?" Kaname ignored him, taking Aidou by the arm. "I asked you something." He growled. Kaname glared at him. He couldn't go make his big speech tomorrow about not consorting with level E's if the airport's camera's caught him doing it the day before. And the Lord knew Nowaki was watching him like a hawk. He was probably in the control room for crissakes._

_ "I'm sorry, but if you don't leave me and my companion alone, I'm going to have to call security."_

_"Your companion?" Zero's eyes flashed a dangerous red. "You're fucking kidding me. You're sleeping with this idiot?" he asked the blond man._

_"Well actually, we're really more..."_

_"Oh my God, it's you. Little idol." Zero laughed dryly. "I should have known. Of _course _you're fucking him. Why else would you be alive?"_

_"Zero." Kaname's eyes were stern. "I think you've said enough. If you'd like to talk to me like a responsible adult then I suggest that you would kindly leave with us. It's too crowded in here. You might not be able to make your point efficiently."_

_"What the fuck Kaname? You know exactly what my point is. You led me on a wild goose chase half-way around the world six years ago, and then my life suffered because of it. Did you care? No because you were busy sitting on your __prissy ass__..."_

_"Zero. You really don't need to make a scene. Do you want to come or not?" Kaname asked, his eyes sombre and without warmth. Zero nodded, following the two men as they lead him through the labyrinth of the airport, and into the damp morning air. It was still dark and Kaname's face was covered in shadow, Zero watching as he made subtle motions to Aidou. What was he trying to say to the blonde?_

_"You're such a..." Zero was cut off by a severe shove that sent him hurtling against the wall. _

_"You are a complete, utter fool, Zero! Do you think I was trying to avoid you just to be funny? Do you think this is a joke?"_

_"Don't be too harsh on him, Kaname."_

_"Well what do you think, Aidou? I should have let him keep talking? Let everyone there see us talking to him? You know just as well as I do that if I had let him keep yelling in there they'd have trackers us by noon. Nowhere is safe. Absolutely nowhere."_

_"Don't you think that's sort of an overgeneralization?"_

_"No, I bloody well don't. There are bugs all over Britain, specifically planted for this specific situation. I _told_ you about this. I warned you about what could happen if anything got leaked."_

_"I have exactly no idea what you're talking about." Zero said, staggering over to the bickering pair._

_"You need to leave, Zero. You need to get out of Britain today."_

_"Why do you think I was at the airport, Kaname? To get my nails done?"_

_"Probably." Aidou said under his breath._

_"I wouldn't be talking, poufter."_

_"Why are you even here in the first place?" Kaname interjected._

_"Mission."_

_"Where are you going?"_

_"Australia."_

_"Well I hope you can get your money back." Zero frowned. _

_"I came all the way from Puerto Rico, and I'm sure as hell not going back now."_

_ "If you're going on a hunter's mission, the Association knows exactly where you're going, Zero."_

_"And..."_

_"And they know every hotel you're staying at, every plane you're getting on, at what time, on what day, how much money you have, where you are. So if anyone wanted to find you, all they would have to do is contact them and get a few pieces of paper."_

_"I still have _no _idea what the fuck you're talking about, Kaname."_

_"You will, Zero, you will. They'll come for you and I'll be dead for committing treason against the Council. You just wait and see."_

And that was how their last encounter ended. With a hot-headed Zero and an angry Kaname. And that had been only six months ago. Six months ago he could have put things right. But that would have ended up in a tumultuous ordeal with the Council and...anyway, he had to convince him that the last time he saw Zero was six years ago. Which wasn't entirely false. The man at the airport hadn't been Zero, he'd been...something else. Sometimes, he even convinced himself that the man he saw there was a hallucination, or a spy from the enemy's side, and sometimes he actually believed it. It was too hard to accept the truth that he could have renewed his relationship with Zero if he'd wanted to. If only he had listened to his senses. Instinct told him that going to that bathroom would be trouble, but in the end his lust won over his sensibility. And that's always what happened. Lust was a beautiful emotion, but it ruined people. It had ruined him.

He'd told Aidou he'd loved him, that he'd do anything for him, so many lies he'd told him; just to bed him. It wasn't really proper to do that to the noble. He treated his best friend like a _concubine_, only paying attention to him when he was bored...or horny. On days when the campaign was getting tough; or days when he was longing for touch. He'd take a weekend off; pop by the noble's huge English estate a bottle of good vintage in one hand and some porn in the other. Kaname's face at the door was purely innocent, but Aidou could see right through that demure face. But he wanted to be fucked. And so they'd walk to Aidou's room in a tension filled silence; the noble would pop the tapes into the player; Kaname would pour the wine and turn on the music he liked. They both knew what happened after that. Two beautiful vampires watching two beautiful people... Drunk and loose-minded, Kaname would turn on a slow, sensual song and then venture a few steps away. He'd appear minutes later, bedewed with water and totally, completely naked. Kaname would start to undress and he'd take another long sip from his glass, exposing the creamy expanse of neck; inebriated from the alcohol and Aidou and the music...

The noble would walk over to him, half undressed, absolutely entranced by Kaname's body. They'd fall onto the couch, passionately kissing and tangling; and the music would play, the rain would fall, the world moved around the two creatures as they shared love; time for a moment stopping as it marvelled in the passion.

He loved those moments. When he was completely lost in the bliss, with not a care in the world. It was a welcome change from the worry and strife that real life possessed. That was why he loved Aidou, his ability to take away reality from him. Yuuki could maintain that sort of hold over him; but only for a few moments. If only he could have all of them in one; Yuuki's gentility and kindness, Aidou's spell work, Zero's...there wasn't really one trait that he liked more than the others...He loved all of Zero.

Ugh. It was true what they said about hormones and jitters. He should just be happy with what he had. He should, but he wasn't. It was the most unsatisfying feeling in the world.

**ZERO **smiled. Yuuki was amazing. She'd run from the piazza and wrapped her arms around him and they'd kissed – she was so happy he was out of 'that hell-hole you call a country' and back with her. She knew that he would only be here for today, but even that made her innocent smile even brighter. So innocent. But that was what he loved about their relationship - its chastity. Of course, they weren't virgins to each other in any sense, but even making love to Yuuki seemed pure. With Kaname...it was sordid. Wonderfully sordid, mind you, but it wasn't the same. With Kaname, it was all about the moans and the sex and the lust. Zero didn't necessarily hate that, but that wasn't all that he wanted.

He knew that when the lust evaporated - when the pureblood found someone more convenient, someone more good-looking and accessible he'd be tossed to the side like a used toy. Zero knew it would happen, and sure enough, it did. He had spent weeks trying to find the vampire _while on a mission_, no doubt, and then had been blatantly ignored, then patronized, and finally left. $10,000 spent on the pureblood trying to track him down. $10,000 of the Association's money, no doubt. They were pissed, to say the least. It had taken an hour just for Zero to convince the Head not to let him off. 'You can't just go spending the Association's money on tracking down your little poufy homo pureblood,' she'd fumed. Eventually, after she'd calmed down, she'd called him telling him she'd dispatched him to Puerto Rico; the 'sunny little colony of America' as she put it. Zero had never been to Puerto Rico, and so he happily obliged, glad to get rid of the baggage he'd surmised while in Japan.

And so off he went. Packed his bags, boarded the plane and flew to Puerto Rico, imagining with joy his prosperous new life. They'd told him that the HQ in 'Rico', as they called it, was going to welcome with open arms and give him top notch jobs in the level E infested city. Zero was ecstatic. More work meant more pay and that meant he could do what he liked. And to him, this island sounded even better than Japan. He hadn't bothered to research it, he'd had so little time to get ready, and besides they'd already told him so much. 'It's a beautiful place.' The head had explained. 'It's like living in the heart of paradise.'

Zero had only one thing to say to that. Bull. Shit. Puerto Rico was a drug town slowly rotting in the blistering heat. Puerto Rico was like living in the heart of hell – a stinking, slowly decaying country, filled with the half-witted zombies grasping at every chance to get cash. This place needed a lot of work, and he knew it. After 24 hours in Puerto Rico, the only thing Zero had to look forward to was the hunt. And, as the Head had probably figured out, there was no hunting in Puerto Rico. The Headquarters in her little 'Rico' was located in a dilapidated building, not even fit for beggars. In total, there were 25 people there – 5 staff and 20 'hunters'. He'd asked about jobs and they'd simply told him to get his 'arrogant ass' out of their building and 'fuck the fuck off'. There were no hunters in Puerto Rico. All the level E's were on drugs, and those had taken care of that. And the Headquarters wasn't even for hunters. It was a collection of hunters that met up every once and a while to package and sell drugs.

Zero had taken almost all of his savings and banked it into this new place. He should have known it was shitty. Even the apartment was horrible. It had rats and bugs and was going to fall down any minute. He had enough to make it through the year in this place but...he simply couldn't. Zero prided himself on his courage and perseverance, but this was simply _unliveable. _He finally decided he needed a job. God knew when the Hunter's Association was going to accept him, but it definitely wasn't soon.

At first, he'd worked at minimum wage jobs – sorting at warehouses, bagging groceries at the local shops; but the lack of pay and the humungous bills pushed him well below the poverty line and deep in debt. He couldn't apply for government support; he wasn't a citizen nor had he been in the country long enough. Not going to a proper university put him on the 'Z' list for jobs. So when opportunity knocked, Zero grabbed it by the scruff of the neck and hung on for dear life. Not that being a hooker was all fun and games. A few days of prostitution and his ass hurt more than it ever had. Old men, young men – it was all the same. No matter how beautiful, no matter how ugly, they were all the same; shoving it up him mercilessly and then giving him a few bucks. 20 dollars was nothing when it hurt. He was just glad he hadn't been packaged into one of those cantinas and stuck there forever.

His month in the prostitution ring had given him some connections, though. Lots of the cantina owners were users, and so he got to know their suppliers. Carla, one of the subsidizers in Puerto Rico had told him what she thought of hookers. 'It just not worth it, you know? Especially when you can flog cigs and dope and shit get fuck loads more money. I'd rather poison this world's youth than poison myself. Fuck, they're already dead. He wasn't exactly sure what she meant by that, but she told him that if he ever wanted a break from the fucking that he should come to see her. Zero didn't know if this was because she liked him or because she wanted another link on her chain. It didn't matter. A week later he was dealing. And it wasn't anything like he'd imagined.

He thought this job would be like some sort of door-to-door salesman; trying to get people on the stuff he was selling. But with 1 in 7 people in Puerto Rico on drugs it wasn't hard to find people to buy from him. It cost about 20,000 dollars for a kilo of cocaine, and that was split into 8 parts, one part for each of the 8 subsidizers. Zero, like most sellers, set up shop in one of the many abandoned houses in the country, packaging the coke into little gum wrapper papers. He sold heroin, too, at first pure, and then with Xlazine, a horse tranquilizer, or something else. Zero couldn't even count the number of lives he'd ruined. But the people, the thin anorexic, begging people were so willing! They begged on the streets, in roads; sometimes so high off horse tranquilizer, or anaesthesia as they called it, that they would actually pass out in the middle of traffic. But they kept coming, buying more dope and heroin; cocaine to keep themselves awake when they were on anaesthesia. Some of the kids were so desperate to have the stuff; they'd offer to sleep with him in payment. He'd taken that offer more than once, from a boy named Stuart. He was 16 and he was gorgeous: shiny black hair and deep ocean blue eyes. And Stuart was more than willing to be taken. Heroin was a very powerful substance.

Zero lived the 'hustler' life for a while there; girls, cars and bling were all his. And then the inevitable fall came. He wasn't exactly sure how it happened, but he'd snorted some cocaine at some club; with some guy and then he was high. He just remembered waking up and thinking he was screwed. Soon enough, Zero was the textbook version of a person addicted to drugs. He needed money to get them, and to get that money, he sold them. ''John'' always kept his prices high, higher than the money any 17-year-old foreigner could make without dealing. Zero hated ''John'' for addicting him, but even more than that he hated himself. He should have been called the "Destroyer" for crissakes! It was hard enough dealing with an addiction, and bloodlust was even worse. The cocaine masked it, but every month or so, he'd go out on full out rampages; drinking from as many he could find. He usually chose dying people, the nothing-to-live for addicts; but sometimes he just went mad and ripped out the throat of an innocent. That and the dealing were going to get him in trouble for sure.

And it did. He was arrested for selling cocaine and heroin, and being in the possession of illegal drugs. Zero's life went from good to very, very unfortunate, probably because Carla had reported him to the police out of spite. As luck would have it, the day he was sent to prison was the same day the Association decided they needed him. Of course, they wouldn't bail him out, and as his trial wasn't scheduled until for another few months there was no way they were going to get him now. The Association knew had skill, but he was in prison for the next 2 years and they didn't have the money or the resources to get him out.

He was let off the second year and that was when he decided to try and get back in touch with the HA. He wasn't selling or using as much, not that they cared, but... After two years in prison, he didn't want to go back. He walked back to that big hulking horse of a building and climbed back on.

'We need reforms,' He protested, 'The Hunter's Association has always had a noble name in this society, and we need to honour it by treating it so. I want us to get back on the hunt. Now, there's only 25 of us, but I think if we all try, we can really do something here. And I promise that I will do everything in my knowledge and power to make sure we get that something done. If you let me take this over, I promise you the most rewarding time of your life. I know you're getting money from Head to sit here and do nothing, but is that really what you want? Or do you want the thrill of the hunt, the adrenaline high of chasing and killing the enemy? I want that. All I need to know is if you want that too.'

It was a steep offer, taking this newcomer as their effective president. But Zero promised so much. And they wanted that. The Hunter's Association of Puerto Rico had been a prosperous place before the Head had turned it into the reject bucket. It was nice for someone to recognise their talents as hunter's again, instead of giving up on them and turning to dealing like the rest of them had. They had to take this offer, no matter how risky it was.

The risk was well worth the benefits. Zero made an amazing leader. He set up a makeshift shooting range, started up missions because as they soon learned, there were level E's in Puerto Rico. He introduced reforms to the old laws of the Puerto Rican rule-book, and even set up a mentorship programme to teach new recruits. He even gave some of the money he made from dealing to the Association, and asked others to do so also. Everyone in "Rico" was a dealer; even the hunters. They hunted and dealed, and life went on without a kink.

If it wasn't for Kaname, he'd be working on moving the HQ this year. Instead, he'd banked the building money into the stupid stay. It cost about 17,000 dollars to stay here, especially since he was paying for his guest and apprentice, Alan, but here he was, in Spain, staying in one of the classiest hotels in the country; same as of the bride and groom. It was lovely; a nice break from the regular drone of Puerto Rico. He'd been here for a week – shopping in the markets, walking on the beach, having a simply amazing time at Spain's night clubs. Yuuki had accompanied him on some of these 'journeys' and they caught up, laughing and talking like old times. And he kissed her. On the beach, at midnight, with the moon high in the sky basking them in silver light. It was amazing. Even more amazing then the kiss they'd shared just now. It made Zero regret everything he'd done in the past few years; made him wish that he had gone with her; that he could turn back time and do it all over again.

**YUUKI **was gorgeous. There she was, standing on the piazza in all her white splendour and glory. There were a million different attendants all swarming around her; re-touching her makeup, adjusting her dress, combing her hair...all the while she stood placidly looking up into the blue sky. There was something on her mind and he knew it.

"Kaname? They're asking for you in the chapel." It was Aidou.

"Tell them I'll be there in a few minutes."

"They want..." Aidou trailed off as he looked at the bride. "She looks amazing."

"She is amazing." He sighed.

"Much better than what I have back home." They both laughed. Emiko, although beautiful, was one of the most haughty, demanding women Kaname had ever met. "You really have to go..." Aidou said.

"I know... Why don't you accompany me, Aidou?"

Kaname was uncomfortable and Aidou could feel it. The tension in the air was palpable as they walked and Aidou began to doubt Kaname's love for Yuuki. It was all glitz and glamour on the surface; but deep below Aidou knew that was a certain uncertainty in Kaname's heart. He hoped it was about him. He knew it was a selfish wish, but somewhere he knew it was true, somewhere Kaname loved him; even more than Yuuki.

"It's Zero." Kaname said.

"What?"

"It's Zero. That's what I'm worried about."

"What?"

"I can smell you concern from a continent away, Hanabusa."

"Well I should be concerned. Here you are, looking all helpless and wistful and stuff. You need to stop doubting yourself and just do it."

"I can't help but think there's a chance that he might still..."

"He could be fucking married for all we know!" Aidou's voice was well over screaming level by now. "And what if he still 'loved' you? What would it matter? What are you gonna do, run away?"

"I'm sorry. You're right, I'm just being stupid."

"So you don't care about me?" Aidou said quietly.

"What?"

"You're not worried about the lover you've had for 6 years, you're worried about the man who hates you. I thought I knew you, Kaname."

"I love you. You know that."

"Funny way of showing it."

"Listen, I have to go." Aidou looked absolutely heartbroken. Heartbroken and very mad.

"You're always telling me that you love me. You never ever show it. Don't chase half-way 'round the world to find me, don't..."

"I'll show you tonight." Kaname's voice had that tone. Aidou was getting fucked tonight.

**KANAME **watched as Yuuki made her way down the aisle. She was absolutely beautiful. The dress was totally covered in lace and encrusted with light pink and white pearls. She looked like a queen in her gown, the train flooding the floor behind her in a sea of white silk; her arms covered in precious jewels and lace. Her hair was curled and done in some exquisite hairdo; and it cascaded down her shoulders in soft waves, adorned with petals from a million flowers. And her jewellery, it was to die for. Huge diamonds were placed around her neck and wrists, and practically dripped off her veil and tiara. Yuuki had long ago lost her childish looks and was now a fully fledged...woman. A woman, capable of making her own choices and decisions...not a child that had to be led... Kaname made up his mind right there and then to stop. These affairs, Aidou, Zero; they had to stop.

And then he walked in.

_I do not own Aidou, Zero, Yuuki or Kaname. Those are Matsuri Hino's characters._

_Huge thanks to Ebony Scales for her motivation and amazing critical eye. Kudos to her and remarkable editing skills._

_Until next time, TLFTM. _


	4. Starting Again!

Hey there! Hey you guys...I've been this story over and I think my judgement before was a little hasty. I'd like to start it again, but not as the epic saga I was thinking of. I think you can expect an update of both Xtacy and this story in about a month.

I'm going to revise FP and replace the chapters as I go. Other story's not perfect, but its not as horrible as I thought. Wish me luck!

TFLTM


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